Setting the record straight

There are some days that leave you shaking your head.  And then there are some days that leave you wanting to punch something.  Or someone.

Most days, I can let things roll off my back and just shake my head at the absurdity of some people.  But a couple of days ago was the kind of day that made me want to slap someone, and if you know me, this is more than extremely rare. 

Actually, the only time I get this way is when someone I love is attacked in some way, and this last week that happened.

I can only tell you what I know. I will not make any speculations in trying to defend my husband of anything that happened in the past. He is a big boy and, knowing he has done nothing wrong, has chosen the higher road of just ignoring these attacks. I, however, can not stand by any longer and watch this crazy woman continue to slander him.

I apologize for the long narrative before I get to the heart of the matter, but it is necessary to make sure all of the facts are laid out on the table.  So sit back and get comfortable, because this is a long post.

There is a nasty person that has wormed her way into my life.  For almost 2 years now, she has been spewing lies trying to seek some kind of revenge on my husband. See, he was married to her for 14 months. Honestly, I don't know how he made it that long.

You don't have to spend more than ten minutes reading anything this woman writes before you realize two things about her:

1. She's not very smart, and
2. She is flat out delusional.

One of my favorite books, The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron, calls people like her "crazymakers". They are “those personalities that create storm centers. They are often charismatic, frequently charming, highly inventive, and powerfully persuasive...they are enormously destructive. You know the type: charismatic but out of control, long on problems and short on solutions.”  This is her to a tee.

Shortly after she and Brian separated, she continually contacted several of his neighbors, trying to stir up trouble and rumors about Brian and his children. Some of these neighbors reported this to Brian, proudly saying that they were happy to defend them against her.

Months later, when we were dating, and it started to look like it was going in a serious direction, all five of Brian's children interviewed me to be sure of what kind of person I was.  And that I wasn't like her.

Fast forward to about six months later, when we were engaged, she contacted a number of my friends trying to get them to "warn" me about Brian. They would contact me, concerned and I would set them straight.  One of them already knew about her and sent me the email she sent him and we had a good laugh about this crazy woman.

When that didn't work, she sent me the following rambling message on Facebook, while we were on our honeymoon no less:

"I'm sorry that I didn't do what my gut has been telling me to do and warn you personally. You know how to find me when the beast comes out and you want to know the truth of what he did to me and who he is. I'm not who he has portrayed me to be. When your money is all gone to and he casts you off like he did to me then maybe you'll understand why I walked out on him. Good luck. You'll need it."

So, I'm confused...did he cast her off or did she walk out on him?  Because she says both in the same sentence.  Yeah, either way, she's a real piece of work.  And, for the record, she's done a really good job all on her own of letting me know what kind of person she is.  Brian speaks of her as little as possible.

When that was ignored, she had several of her friends (that only knew what she had told them) send me messages trying to warn me about Brian.

When that was ignored, she posted on mutual FB friends' walls, hijacking posts just to rant about Brian and the "nightmare" I was about to enter.

When those were removed by my friends, I hoped it would stop. But, people, this woman's craziness has no end.

A few months ago, I got a notice that she had repinned a couple of my pins on Pinterest. I was amused, but it was more like she was poking at me and wanted me to know she was there. A couple of weeks would go by and she'd pin another thing of mine, and then another.

This was NOT my pin, but it is one of hers and it gives you some insight into her personality.  She thought this was funny in reference to her ex-husbands...cute, huh?

A couple of months ago, I got a notice that she had subscribed to my FB statuses. This does her no good because I have my privacy set so only my friends can see anything posted. This was getting closer to creepy, but whatever.

A few weeks ago, I posted a couple of quotes that not only did she repin, but put a long rant about Brian on the caption of one of them.

Rather than respond to her bait, I rolled my eyes and changed my profile picture to our wedding picture. If she's going to stalk my Pinterest boards, then she will have to see our picture every time she goes there.

Then on Thursday, she created a board on Pinterest she titled "Dear Stalkers:This is 4U". Can you see the irony in her paranoia here? Who is stalking who??

On this "stalker" pin board, she posted a long sob story, maligning Brian, saying she's worried about me and hopes I can figure out how to leave him and his violent temper like she was able to. This all linked to a web page to help identify the cycle of abuse.

I have had enough and I want to set the record straight. Like I said at the beginning, I can't speak for anything that has happened between Brian and her in the past, only what I, myself, have witnessed about the kind of person he is and the relationship that we have.  Here are the facts:

First of all, let's get this out of the way.  I am not helpless, incapable or a victim, and to suggest over and over and over that I am trapped in an abusive relationship without recognizing it is extremely insulting to me. I believe myself to be a strong, independent woman that doesn't need this "help" to recognize a bad situation.  I want to insert here that I understand that this very type of woman can find herself trapped in an abusive relationship.  I get that.  I also recognize what emotional abuse is very, very well. Yeah, I kinda have a first hand knowledge of it, and this ain't it.  At all.

Second, I have never laughed so much in my entire life as I do with Brian every single day. Without fail. Every. Single. Day. He is my best friend and I know he adores me as much as I adore him.

The other day, I was riding in to work with my friend and carpool buddy, Hal, who, interestingly enough, was one of my friends that she-who-must-not-be-named had contacted, trying to get him to warn me. Out of the blue, he asked me, "Are you really as happy as you seem to be or are you just putting up a front to blow smoke?"

I just laughed at first, but I realized that I really, truly am extremely happy. These last 18 months have flown by and it still feels like we were just married last fall. We're still acting like giggly newlyweds.

This is not the first time someone has commented on how happy I am. I've had friends and family members mention it to me. Similarly, both Brian's children and some of the people he works with have mentioned it to him. You can't fake that kind of happiness just to put up a front for other people.

I have been blessed with an amazing career that provides me with the ability, if I needed it, to survive financially on my own.  I am not trapped in a miserable relationship in any way, shape or form.  On the contrary, together we are able to live a very happy and comfortable lifestyle.  More on that later. 

Third, I can count on one hand the number of times we've had a real, serious argument. In fact, I think you could be missing a few fingers on that hand and still be able to count them all. Seriously. In 18 months.  And no, during these arguments, I was never fearful of Brian.  Please.

Are there times I'm frustrated or annoyed because he's done something that bugs the crap out of me? Of course there are, that's what happens any time two people live together. And I know that living with me requires a lot of patience at times. Living with ANYBODY requires patience. If someone believes otherwise about themselves then they are delusional.

I believe the main secret to our happiness is that we both respect each other very much. We respect each other's point of view enough to understand what is truly important to other.  

Fourth, he is not a con man like she is constantly accusing him of being. Nor is he the "Scrooge" that she loves to refer to him by.  This is one of those lies she tells that really get my back up.  I have never been more financially secure in my whole life. We share all bank accounts, he added me to his existing American Express account (that we regularly use and pay off every month), consults me on every financial decision that needs to be made, even stuff I don't care about.

 

He bought me a TV for our bedroom (and the cute Ikea cabinet for it), out of his own savings just because I like to watch the morning news while I'm getting ready for work.

I have more money than I've ever had before in my savings account because I decided I wanted something and Brian helped me save for it.

You don't even want to know how much we just spent on new sheets for our bed. 

For our first anniversary, he gave me the only real jewelry I have ever owned, aside from my wedding ring, a beautiful pearl necklace, bracelet and earrings.  Then we went to Las Vegas for 4 days. 

Frugal?  Yes.  A saver?  Yes.  Scrooge?  No. 

Fifth, I am not controlled, brainwashed, manipulated or isolated.  She used all of these words in her rant on Pinterest.

Seriously, I have no words for this and I am not going to waste any more time on these asinine accusations.

Brian has his faults like anyone else. But he is also the sweetest man I have ever known.  We are opposites in many ways, but those differences compliment our relationship very, very well.  To my benefit just as much as his.  I love him more now than I did when we were first married.

My daughter, Bekah, lives with us and he is extremely sweet and loving to her too.  They have a very good relationship as well and their antics with each other warm my heart.  I am grateful to Brian for being a positive male role model in her life.

If the person I am referring to is reading this, now you know you can stop with all of your "concern" over my welfare.  Stop hovering around, waiting for the demise of our marriage.  Stop stalking me.  Unsubscribe yourself from my FB.  I've been advised to block you but, honestly, it's of so little consequence to me that it's not worth any more of my time.  Stop contacting my friends, stop emailing Brian's children...just stop.  They all know the truth and now know that anything else you will say on this subject is not for some altruistic purpose, but for your gratification alone.  

Did you read that?  Make sure you do, and then read it again, because you just aren't getting it. Enjoy your wonderful new husband and stop obsessing over your ex-husbands and their wives.  Every minute you spend, every bit of energy you use, every time you spew more angry words in their direction, is time, energy and LOVE you are keeping from the people you should be giving it to NOW. Move on.